Monday, October 21, 2013

The Well is Deep


Last week I wrote a post centered around John 4 and the Samaritan woman at the well.  I expressed how my conversation at the well might have transpired.  Click here to read it.  

As I was reading John 4 again, the Lord rested my eyes on verse 11.  

Just to recap, the Samaritan woman was at the well.  Jews didn't normally talk to Samaritans in that day, but Jesus stopped to talk to this woman.  Not only did He talk to her, He asked her for a drink.  Then He says...

"If you had only known and had recognized God's gift and Who this is that is saying to you, 'Give me a drink', you would have asked Him [instead] and He would have given you living water."  John 4:10

Then she said to Him, "Sir, You have nothing to draw with [no drawing bucket] and the well is deep; how then can You provide living water?" v. 11 

The Lord drew my attention to the word “deep.”

I prayed, “Lord, you know my well is deep.  Lord, I am asking you to go there and draw up everything that needs to be uncovered and bring forth Living Water.” 

Immediately questions formed in my thoughts.  These were questions that have haunted me for years, yet were unspoken and unheard.  These were questions that I had never been consciously aware existed in my mind until this day. 

The questions came and tears fell. 

The water from the deep was being drawn up so the Giver of Living Water could replace the water I had grown accustomed to with His Water of Truth.  The old water was all I had ever known.  I didn’t know it was bitter.  I didn’t know of its stench.  Once the old is removed, new Living Water can begin to fill and refresh what the darkness had tainted.

I love my mom, but from an early age I didn’t receive the love I desperately desired in a way I could receive it from her.  I didn’t feel accepted.  I didn’t feel like she approved of me.  I think every little girl desires her mother’s love, acceptance and approval.  I still desire it. 

These are the questions that were hidden in my subconscious until last week when the Lord drew them out of the deep:

“What was it about me that made my mom not want to listen to me?”
“What was it about me that made my mom yell at me?”
“What was it about me that she can’t approve of? “
“What is it about me that won’t allow her to get close?”
“What was it about me that caused her not to show love?”

As an adult, I can look back and I know that my mom loved me.  She just didn’t show it in ways I received it.  If you have ever read “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman, her love language is different than mine.  Hers is gifts and quality time.  Mine is words of affirmation.  For a little girl whose love language is words of affirmation, yelling is like sticking a knife in my heart.
 
However, all this was internalized and generalized into a lie that read, “You are not worthy of love.  You are not accepted.  You are not approved of. You are unloved.”
 
And those questions above lead up to the big question, the question that is at the root of rejection:
“Whatever my mom saw in me that seem to cause her to reject me, surely others will see it and reject me also.”

I was also rejected by friends at school growing up which further sealed this lie into my cortex.
The Lord and I made some major gains in this area a couple of years ago and I thought I was doing fine.  That is until I again experienced some painful rejection this summer due to nothing I did wrong.  And again, the lies started…

“What was it about me that caused them to reject me?”
“I thought they loved me. Wasn’t I enough, just the way I am. I must not be enough. ”

But, as I write this I am thankful for the rejection because it revealed that I needed a deeper healing in this area.  When we think we are fine, we won’t pursue healing.  We only go to the doctor when we know we are sick.   It is only when we know of the hurt or ailment, we seek out the healing we desperately need to be whole. 
   
I am currently reading “A Confident Heart” by Renee Swope with Proverbs 31 Online Bible Studies with Melissa Taylor.  I am determined to uncover the lies that have locked me in fear of rejection and replace them with the Truth of God’s Word.  It is my mission to sear that Truth in my conscious so the enemy will no longer be able to use those lies against me
I believe these questions were a big breakthrough.
 
The questions unveil the lie.  The lie is that it was me.  

The truth is it wasn't me.  It had NOTHING to do with me.
I am enough.  The Lord accepts me and if He accepts me, I am accepted and worthy of love.  The Lord approves of me.  He thinks I am lovely and beautiful and desires me.  ME!  He has given me a voice and He says that what I have to say is important and worthy of an audience.  So, I will speak boldy as I ought to speak and loudly proclaim the mystery of the gospel of Jesus Christ! 

Isn’t it ironic and such beautiful redemption that God is using this medium as the very means in which to squash the lies of the enemy that tried to whisper that my voice was unimportant and no one cared about what I had to say.
  
God is so good.  I want to encourage you today to ask the Lord the same question I did.
 
Father, the well is deep.  Lord, will you draw out the roots of whatever is holding us captive and bring forth the Living Water that will fill us completely and make us whole.  In Jesus’ Name, Amen.



1 comments:

Nichole Wolland

Wow, what a beautiful post. I want that, too!

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