Have you ever experienced the "Ugly Cry"? You know, when you cry and your face gets all red while snot and tears run everywhere. The type of crying where you really know you should stop but your emotions are at odds with your mind. The only thing worse is when that happens in a public place.
Maybe I'm the only one this has ever happened to, it is quite embarrassing. Thankfully, it hasn't happened often, only a few times that I can recall. One of those times was this past Wednesday night.
I arrived at church with my emotions already raw from something I won't go into at this time and then my husband and I had a disagreement. (Doesn't the enemy like to do that right before church?!) There was one other thing that happened that really sent me into an emotional tail spin. Both of us were serving in ministry areas that night, so we didn't have time to talk about the disagreement. We just had to go inside and try to put on our "church face".
I don't like pretense. Sometimes just fessing up that we are going through something and admitting that we could use some prayer is best. Life can overwhelm us. Nothing is too hard for God. We don't necessarily have to wear our emotions on our sleeves and we should try to control our emotions. However, I have seen people drown in their pretense because they wouldn't reach up for help for fear of what people would think. Many times people put on a "church face" when they should be seeking the "Face" of the Church-- Jesus.
This night, however, I wish I could have put on a church mask. I was a mess and everyone who was around me knew it. I couldn't hide it. The tears started rolling and wouldn't stop. If I could have stopped them, I would have gladly done it. It was quite embarrassing. Thankfully, I found a closet in the ministry area I was serving in and I went inside the closet to hide. Yes, that is right, to hide.
God is so good. It was a supply closet and one my dear friends was also in the closet. (No, she wasn't crying, she was getting supplies.) : ) One of the supplies she was getting was chocolate to pass out in the children's department. She prayed with me and gave me a piece of chocolate. What a great friend?! God provided a friend and chocolate! I tell you, God is so good!
Let's fast forward now to Thursday. My emotions were better now as I had time to process and pray about the situation. However, it was still there....lingering. Plus now I was embarrassed about my ugly crying at church the night before.
But God..... God did something amazing on Thursday. He provided everything needed to calm my unsettled emotions--
He had a doctor call me with good news that I desperately needed to hear. The doctor's timing couldn't have been any better. He had a friend call me and encourage me without her knowing the timeliness of the phone call. He had another friend provide confirmation and assurance that I was doing the right thing in stepping down from an overcommitment. He had my wonderful husband provide me with a much needed night off.
God graced me with everything I needed. By the end of Thursday night, His love and grace covered me and I was overwhelmed with His goodness and love.
He is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us. Ephesians 3:20
Behold, I will do a new thing, now it shall spring forth; shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. Isaiah 43:19
The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him and I am helped; therefore my heart greatly rejoices and with my song I praise Him. Psalms 28:7
I know my God will meet my every need. I know He will make a way where I cannot see the way. I know He is my strength and my ever present help. My heart is glad and I rejoice in Him.
I don't know why God calls me to tell on myself and announce to you when I make a fool out of myself. My prayer is that it helps you in some way and glorifies Him. If you cannot relate to this post, don't tell me and just pretend you didn't read it. ; ) Wednesday I was not ok, but thank the Lord that sorrow may last for the night, but joy comes in the morning! He is good, His mercies are new every morning. I will rejoice in Him today!
Love to you all,