Deeper Still

Last weekend I went on a retreat.

The retreat was only about 45 minutes away in Maryville, Tennessee.  Well, it is only 45 minutes away if you aren't directionally challenged.  If you are directionally challenged (ahem...like me), it may take you 2 hours.  {smile}  *sigh*

After I finally figured out the direction I was suppose to be heading, I found myself going up and up a mountain.  The retreat was literally at the top of a mountain overlooking the beautiful Smokey Mountains.

I knew the Lord had led me to go to this retreat, but I wasn't sure why he wanted me there. This retreat was for women who are post-abortive.  If you have read my story at the top of the page, you know that I had an abortion in 1993, when I was 19 years old.  God has led me on a journey of healing and freedom since I rededicated my life to Him in 1998.  It has been a long process, but I felt healed and didn't think I needed any more freedom or healing.

So, why would God lead me to a retreat for more healing when I was already healed?

To go deeper still.  

The name of the ministry and retreat is "Deeper Still".  I didn't realize that when I was driving up to the top of that mountain, that God was also leading me to a spiritual mountaintop experience.

It was as if the mountaintop was a satellite and the atmosphere created a cell phone with a clear signal to hear the Lord.  He didn't have to keep asking, "Can you hear me now?"  I HEARD HIM CLEARLY!! 

I definitely understood how the disciples felt when they were up on the mountaintop with Jesus and they just wanted to stay there and build tents and never come down.

I won't be able to share everything He spoke to me.  I found a deeper healing.  God really did go deeper still.  I am going to share three ways the Lord spoke to me on the mountaintop last weekend.

The first experience was when one of the ministry team members told me my child (whom I aborted) loves me.  Sobbing, I said to the Lord, "How...how could she love me?"  He answered quickly...

"Sue, all she has ever known is My love.  How could she not love you?"  

My heart soaked in His loving response filling a deep wound as I accepted my daughter's love.

Another experience I want to share is a vision God gave me during a time of praise and worship.  Often during praise and worship, I picture myself dancing with Jesus.

In "A Story of Redemption", I share a vision of my daughter dancing with Jesus.  Although, I visualize myself dancing with Jesus and I can envision my daughter dancing with Jesus in heaven, I had never put myself and my daughter in the SAME picture with Jesus.

I had never entered into that picture to be with her.  Before this past weekend, it was too painful.  I felt unworthy to be in the picture, unworthy to hold my daughter, unworthy to dance with her.  During praise and worship up on the mountain,...

the Lord freed me to enter into that picture and dance with my daughter 

and embrace her in my arms with joy.

The third revelation I would like to share has to do with my child's name.  The Lord had revealed to me years ago that my child is a girl and her name is "Kori".   However, she didn't have a middle name.  During the weekend, many of the other participants at the retreat had middle names for their children in heaven.  I spoke to the Lord and said, "Lord, I would like to know my child's middle name."  Almost immediately, the name came...

Danielle. 

Her name is "Kori Danielle".  

With excited anticipation, I looked up the names "Kori" and "Danielle" when I came home from the retreat.

 "Kori" means "God's peace."  Don't you just love that?

However, when I looked up "Danielle",  I was not so excited.  I saw the meaning and I actually kept looking at other baby name websites thinking "Surely it doesn't mean that.  I don't like that.  Maybe I didn't hear from God.  I really don't like that meaning." 

However, all the baby name websites agreed. "Danielle" means "God is our Judge."

I thought "I don't like that meaning, that sounds harsh."  Then I asked the Lord about it. He said,

"I AM your Judge 

and I have found you innocent.  

No one else can judge you.  

And if they try to judge you, 

know that I AM your Judge 

and have found you innocent." 

The name is perfect.  He is perfect.  His love amazes me.  I could tell you even more He revealed to me over that weekend at the Deeper Still Retreat, but it will have to wait for another time.

Beloved friends, if you or anyone you know has had an abortion, I strongly encourage you to visit www.godeeperstill.org .  I thought I was free (I even have a blog about freedom!).  He desires to heal every wounded area of your heart, finish the good work He has begun in you, and set you completely free in Him.
 He loves you so much.

There is no condemnation in Christ Jesus (Rom 8:1). 

He has removed your sins as far as the east is from the west (Ps 103:12).  

Though your sins were as scarlet, He has made you white as snow (Isaiah 1:18).  

You are a child of the MOST HIGH GOD.  He is your Judge and YOU have been found innocent because of the Blood of Jesus.