Thursday, May 2, 2013

Deeper Still

Last weekend I went on a retreat.

The retreat was only about 45 minutes away in Maryville, Tennessee.  Well, it is only 45 minutes away if you aren't directionally challenged.  If you are directionally challenged ( me), it may take you 2 hours.  {smile}  *sigh*

After I finally figured out the direction I was suppose to be heading, I found myself going up and up a mountain.  The retreat was literally at the top of a mountain overlooking the beautiful Smokey Mountains.

I knew the Lord had led me to go to this retreat, but I wasn't sure why he wanted me there. This retreat was for women who are post-abortive.  If you have read my story at the top of the page, you know that I had an abortion in 1993, when I was 19 years old.  God has led me on a journey of healing and freedom since I rededicated my life to Him in 1998.  It has been a long process, but I felt healed and didn't think I needed any more freedom or healing.

So, why would God lead me to a retreat for more healing when I was already healed?

To go deeper still 

The name of the ministry and retreat is "Deeper Still".  I didn't realize that when I was driving up to the top of that mountain, that God was also leading me to a spiritual mountaintop experience.

It was as if the mountaintop was a satellite and the atmosphere created a cell phone with a clear signal to hear the Lord.  He didn't have to keep asking, "Can you hear me now?"  I HEARD HIM CLEARLY!! 

I definitely understood how the disciples felt when they were up on the mountaintop with Jesus and they just wanted to stay there and build tents and never come down.

I won't be able to share everything He spoke to me.  I found a deeper healing.  God really did go deeper still.  I am going to share three ways the Lord spoke to me on the mountaintop last weekend.

The first experience was when one of the ministry team members told me my child (whom I aborted) loves me.  Sobbing, I said to the Lord, " could she love me?"  He answered quickly...

"Sue, all she has ever known is My love.  How could she not love you?"  

My heart soaked in His loving response filling a deep wound as I accepted my daughter's love.

Another experience I want to share is a vision God gave me during a time of praise and worship.  Often during praise and worship, I picture myself dancing with Jesus.

In "A Story of Redemption", I share a vision of my daughter dancing with Jesus.  Although, I visualize myself dancing with Jesus and I can envision my daughter dancing with Jesus in heaven, I had never put myself and my daughter in the SAME picture with Jesus.

I had never entered into that picture to be with her.  Before this past weekend, it was too painful.  I felt unworthy to be in the picture, unworthy to hold my daughter, unworthy to dance with her.  During praise and worship up on the mountain,...

the Lord freed me to enter into that picture and dance with my daughter 
and embrace her in my arms with joy.

The third revelation I would like to share has to do with my child's name.  The Lord had revealed to me years ago that my child is a girl and her name is "Kori".   However, she didn't have a middle name.  During the weekend, many of the other participants at the retreat had middle names for their children in heaven.  I spoke to the Lord and said, "Lord, I would like to know my child's middle name."  Almost immediately, the name came...

Her name is "Kori Danielle".  

With excited anticipation, I looked up the names "Kori" and "Danielle" when I came home from the retreat.

 "Kori" means "God's peace."  Don't you just love that?

However, when I looked up "Danielle",  I was not so excited.  I saw the meaning and I actually kept looking at other baby name websites thinking "Surely it doesn't mean that.  I don't like that.  Maybe I didn't hear from God.  I really don't like that meaning." 

However, all the baby name websites agreed. "Danielle" means "God is our Judge."

I thought "I don't like that meaning, that sounds harsh."  Then I asked the Lord about it. He said,

"I AM your Judge 
and I have found you innocent.  
No one else can judge you.  
And if they try to judge you, 
know that I AM your Judge 
and have found you innocent." 

The name is perfect.  He is perfect.  His love amazes me.  I could tell you even more He revealed to me over that weekend at the Deeper Still Retreat, but it will have to wait for another time.

Beloved friends, if you or anyone you know has had an abortion, I strongly encourage you to visit .  I thought I was free (I even have a blog about freedom!).  He desires to heal every wounded area of your heart, finish the good work He has begun in you, and set you completely free in Him.
 He loves you so much.

There is no condemnation in Christ Jesus (Rom 8:1). 
He has removed your sins as far as the east is from the west (Ps 103:12).  
Though your sins were as scarlet, He has made you white as snow (Isaiah 1:18).  

You are a child of the MOST HIGH GOD.  He is your Judge and YOU have been found innocent because of the Blood of Jesus. 


  1. WOW this was powerful, thanks for sharing this, what a wonderful experience for you. Our Father is so loving so and awesome. God bless you Sue, you are a blessing!!

  2. Sue, God blessed you at this retreat. Thank you for sharing and being vulnerable and open. Your testimony will help to heal and guide many others!
    Love your heart, Girl!!!
    Beth A.

  3. Very powerful, Sue. Though not for the same reasons, I, too, have a need for deeper healing. I love the fact that, though, God is the judge, He does not condemn us, but frees us; loves us regardless. Very powerful message!

  4. Oh, Sue, what a beautiful message of God's grace and redemption. Thank you for sharing this experience, and your story, with us. May He continue to draw near to you. Love you!

    Jennifer N
    OBS Teaching/Exec. Team

  5. Beautiful, Sue! Thank you for sharing.

  6. Thank you Beth, Jennifer and Olivia!! Love you all!

    Olivia, I teared up at "I love the fact that, though, God is the judge, He does not condemn us, but frees us; loves us regardless." Amen!! He is so good!

  7. Sue,
    Loved reading this....sharing if I can figure out how?!
    So glad you were on that mountaintop! So glad you
    said yes and more to God, His ways, His love, His
    Truth!! It really does set us free-Deeper Still!!
    Blessings in your increase and peace in further
    Struggles-forever!!...they are sure to come but with greater
    Peace, not less!!! Love, Kay Smith

  8. I still have tears in my eyes. I know all who reads this will be thankful that God spoke to you, brought you in, deeper still, into His love for you and healing over your past. We are weeping with joy for you. But I know for me, I am weeping to hear how God reaches out to us all, where we need Him most. He loves us that much. Thank you for sharing your beautiful message.

    The Howell Blessings

  9. Amazing, something I needed to hear. Thank you for your honesty. Blessings to you!

  10. That was powerful. Thank you for sharing.

  11. thank you for sharing your story. The topic of abortion, for whatever reason, is one that deeply touches my heart. May God bless you for being willing to share such a deep and personal hurt with us all and may he continue to forever draw you deeper still!

  12. Sue,

    What an absolutely beautiful story, and amazingly powerful testimony!

    Melissa S OBS Group Leader

  13. I cried when I read your story because it touched a week spot in me. I too went through an abortion and I too was blessed with Gods healing forgiveness. I still miss my babygirl, the one I hope to see in heaven. I posted a lengthy comment after your story, to tell you how helpfull it is to hear somebody that went through the same speaking of Gods goodness through it all. My girls name is Zoe, which means “life“ . Thank you again for sharing your story!

  14. Thank you Kay, Mindy, Shila, Kat, and Melissa. So thankful you were blessed by it.

    Saskia, thank you so much for sharing your story with me. Everything about it is very similar to my own. So thankful God has healed you. He is so good. He pursues us to get us out of the pit and bring us freedom. He used Tilly to help me too. Love, Sue

  15. Sue this is just beautiful. I had a few tears. Hugs. Debbie W. (OBS Group Leader)

  16. So powerful, Sue. Thanks for sharing how intimately God spoke to you. I love your analogy of being on the mountain top and it being like you were on a cell phone with a clear signal to God!

    Nichole (OBS FB Leader)

  17. Thank you so much for sharing this very personal experience. I also had an abortion at the age of 19. I also never could invision my child and I together in heaven. I am a very visual person and with your beautiful picture of this has helped me to see that some day I also will be with my child and he will love me too.

  18. Thank you for this post. I got pregnant when I was a junior in college and had an abortion..I have completely blocked it out of my mind and have never really turned it over to God or believed that he hasn't forgiven me because I am having such a hard time concieving now. I will look into Deeper Still. Thank you again for this beautiful testimony. God is awesome at using someone's pain to bring him glory still.

  19. Sue, Witnessing your journey has been a privilege and joy. Remembering our early conversations and prayers, God has answered those brokenhearted cries. Once I was broken hearted for you, but now my heart overflows with joy because of God's goodness to you. Thank you for sharing that Jesus WILL bind the broken hearted and bring deep healing this side of heaven, if we seek Him. Celebrating Gods love for you, Sue! Love and hugs, Jill

  20. Thank-you for sharing your heart and soul. Your continuing story is so powerful, not to mention a great resource of healing to those who have been through similar experiences.

  21. Sue...thank you for being so vulnerable with us here. What a beautiful picture of God's love, grace, and redemption. I could see you and your daughter dancing with Jesus. :) I know your story will bring healing to many others who share your journey. I am blessed to know you, friend! Love ~ Shelly (OBS Leader)

  22. Sue, your mountain top experience, just tobhear God's voice. I work with Freedom in Christ ministry at church and to see God at work restoring is amazing. I am so glad he led you to feel his love and peace and what healing is occuring as others read your story.


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