Yield or Yell

Right now as I am writing this, there is a pile of stuffed animals on the floor of our toy room.  By pile, I mean five square feet of stuff animals covering every inch of the carpet.  Clutter and I don't get along well.

In the past, a pile of clutter like mentioned above would have sent me into a frenzy of frustration with my three little ones, followed by threats of giving away every single toy they own. 

This week I am in the middle of a wonderful Bible study with Proverbs 31 Online Bible Studies with Melissa Taylor.  We are reading the book, Let. It. Go by Karen Ehman.

The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish ones tears her down.  Proverbs 14:1  
  
God wants us to parent with grace.  

Karen points out, "Learning to walk the fine line between being controlling and conscientious is a constant yet sanctifying struggle.  It keeps you going to God for direction.  It will find you asking for forgiveness for the times you blow it (there will be many). It will force you out of a stance of selfishness and into a posture of grace."   (pg 124-125)

To parent with grace is not possible without yielding to the One who freely gives grace.  Parenting with grace requires yielding to the Holy Spirit. 

In the above scenario with the stuffed animals, I could let my sinful flesh control me and lose my temper with the kids. (It would not be the first time.)   It is interesting how when we are letting our flesh control us that we desire more control over others.  Perhaps it is because we feel out of control that we attempt to control our kids by losing our temper and yelling at them.  However, when we react that way, it doesn't breathe life into our home.  It destroys our homes.

Which woman will we choose to be?  Will we choose to be the wise woman who builds her home with words of kindness, love and grace?  Or will we choose to be the foolish woman who tears down her home with words of criticism, anger, and control.

Today I have a choice to make.  Everyday I have a choice to make.

“For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit. 6. For to be carnally minded is death, but to be spiritually minded is life and peace. “ Romans 8:5-6

 

Jesus says in John 6:63, "It is the Spirit who gives life, the flesh profits nothing.  The words that I speak to you are spirit and they are life."  

The Holy Spirit gives life and peace. Yielding to the Holy Spirit when you would rather yell will bring life.  The words we speak are so important.  They can bring life or death. 

Words can build up or destroy a home. Words can bring death to relationships.  Words can cut the self-worth of a child with wounds that may take years or a lifetime to heal without God's divine intervention. 

Whether it is clutter, chaos, cleanliness, or compliance in our homes that causes us to seek control, we need let it go and to cling to Jesus.  Nothing is worth the price of destroying our relationships with our children.  Their little spirits need nurturing not knocked down by the piercing of our know-it-all intonation.

The Holy Spirit alone brings life.  Only by His grace can we be the wise woman who builds up her home.  His grace is sufficient.  With all the grace He has given us, how could we not extend it to others, especially the precious ones He has entrusted in our care.

Which will it be, yield or yell?  Today, I choose to yield.  

Dear Father,  I pray for your help.  Help me to let go where I need to in my parenting.  Help me to yield to Your Holy Spirit and not give into my sinful flesh.  Father, help me to be loving and kind to my children and to remember they are only children.  God, I need you.  Help me to yield instead of yell.  Give me wisdom to be the mother who builds up her home and her children.  In Jesus' name, Amen.

The Good Mom Rules

Last week was Valentine's Day, a day of celebrating those we love.  As I was tucking in my sweet seven year old boy on Valentine's Day, he hesitantly informed me that all the other kids in his class received a ring pop or M&M's candy gram from their parents.  He politely inquired as to why he did not receive one.

Just to clarify, we did give him a Valentine at home, a heart with assorted chocolates and a Snickers bar.   He was very appreciative.  He was only wondering why he was the only one in his class that did not receive a candy gram at school. 

My heart sank as I assured him,  "You were the only one?  I'm so sorry, Luke.  I did not know about the candy grams.  We gave you the candy bar and heart full of chocolates. We love you so much."  (As if any amount of candy would be an indicator or measuring meter of our love for him.)


At that moment I felt I had somehow failed the "Good Mom" test.  You know, the standards put out there by the world that desire to dictate who is and who is not a "Good Mom". 

Seriously, who writes these rules and how are we suppose to know the "Good Mom Rules"? 

These unwritten rules of society try to paint a picture of the "Good Mom".  The problem is the canvas is too heavy for any of us to bear.

Pinterest is pandering to our desire to be the "good mom".  I don't think there is anything wrong with Pinterest.  It hosts many good ideas and it can be a good tool.  However, it should only be a tool and not a place where we pin our parenting skills up for comparison. 

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be the best mom we can be to our kids.  However, God made us all unique.  He placed gifts in you knowing the kids He would give you. 

He knows what your kids need and it is not a one size fits all when it comes to being a "good mom".

Just because you don't do crafts daily or weekly with your kids doesn't mean you are stifling your kid's creativity. Just because you work outside the home doesn't mean you love your kids any less than someone who stays at home. Just because you aren't able to volunteer at your kid's school doesn't mean you aren't engaged in their learning.  And just because you didn't know about Valentine's Day candy grams does not mean you are a bad mom. 

There is, thankfully, no "Good Mom Rule Book".  We have but only two rules to live by:

"And you shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.' This [is] the first commandment."  Mark 12:30

"And the second, like [it, is] this: 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no other commandment greater than these."  Mark 12:31

John 13:34 says it this way:
"A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another."

When we get these two rules down, we will be following the "Good Mom Rules". 

It does not matter what other parents do or don't do.  We have but one requirement as moms...Love the Lord your God with all our heart and love our children (and others). 

Doesn't that make you just sigh a breath of relief?  We don't have to be like "Suzy Homemaker" or "Betty Crocker."  

When we love the Lord our God with all our hearts and love others, we are walking in the Spirit.  The Spirit will show you what is needed for you to be a "good mom" to your children.  Parenting by walking in the Spirit is truly sweeter than any candy gram you could ever send. 



   

Be My Valentine

Happy Valentine's Day Living Free in Him readers!  It is such an honor to get to share God's Word with you.

Your God is so crazy in love with you!

"Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away." Song of Songs 8:7 

He longs to be with you!

"Arise, my love, my fair one, and come away!
Oh, my dove, in the clefts of the rock, in the secret places of the cliff,
let me see your face, let me hear your voice;
For your voice is sweet and your face is lovely. "  Song of Soloman 2: 13-14
 
 He rejoices over you!  

"The LORD your God in your midst, The Mighty One, will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet [you] with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing."  Zephaniah 3:17

 He is head over heels for you!  

"And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ.." Ephesians 3: 17-18

I pray this for you today my friends.  I pray that you would KNOW the depths of His love.  Hear the Lord asking you today, "Beloved, be my valentine."

The Approval Trap

This week I started the Bible study Let. It. Go. by Karen Ehman.  I am an online Bible study leader with Proverbs 31 Ministries with Melissa Taylor and this is the study we are currently doing.

As I mentioned in my previous posts, I didn't really think I needed this book.  Control issues...me?  Not a problem...or so I thought.  God is opening my eyes (as I had prayed at the end of the last Bible study, Greater by Pastor Steven Furtick).  When God starts to show you areas in your heart that need changed, it can be hard.  God loves me just the way I am, but I am forever thankful that He loves me too much to let me stay that way.   

Whenever I thought of Collosians 3:23 in the past, I would think of working hard at something, doing it with excellence and to the best of your ability as unto the Lord. 

This week, God is giving me another perspective. This perspective is about MOTIVE.

We can do all kinds of good works and ministry, but WHY are we doing it?  Why am I doing it?

Am I writing this blog today to see how many comments or "likes" it will get or am I writing it out of obedience, to help others, and bring glory to God?

Am I leading Bible studies so others will think I am spiritual and hold me up as a leader or am I doing it to help women become free and bring glory to God?
 
Whenever I do anything, am I doing it for recognition and praise?  Am I doing it for God's glory or am I doing it for mine?

These are hard questions.  I need to be sure my motives are right and pure.  I think most of the time they are, but are they always? It is easy to get caught in the trap of seeking approval.

Approval is a trap because it is an unending abyss.  The more approval one receives from man, the more one craves.  Nothing satisfies and nothing can fill it. The only way out is filling the hole with the assurance of the approval we have from the Lord.  We don't need the world's approval when we know we have His.

We all need to remember that God ALREADY approves of us.  We don't need others to approve us, He does!

Now when I look at Colossians 3:23, I see that in whatever we do, we need to be sure we are doing it FOR the Lord and not for ourselves and not for the approval of man. 

I am taking a hard look at my inner self this week to see why I do what I do.  Lord, I pray it would only be for Your glory and never for mine.

Father, I pray for a pure heart before you and man.  I pray I would not do things for the approval of man, but rather for Your glory.  Father, forgive me to the times I have sought the approval of man and even longed for it.  Father, thank you for opening my eyes and helping me see areas You want to change.  Change me Lord.  Help me know I am approved of by You.  Help me know I don't need to seek approval anywhere else.  I love you.  In Jesus' name, Amen. 

Honking or Humility

"Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.  Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others."  Philippians 2:3-4

This morning was not much different than other mornings.  Getting three kids ready for school and out the door with teeth and hair brushed and backpacks with lunches all make for some hectic mornings.  We left a little later than usual due to some last minute homework I realized I forgot to do with my kindergartener.  We rushed through the homework and raced to the van.  Off we went, a little late, but we were on target to still make it on time!  Then....the bus.

A small bus stops on our street everyday.  The bus driver must be very friendly because she stops and talks to the parents for what seems like long periods of time.  There have been many times I have patiently waited for them to finish up the conversation and the red sign to disappear allowing passage.  

I am embarrassed to say, not this morning.  

Again, the parent was outside talking to the driver and the red sign was out.  No kids to be seen anywhere.  All were on the bus!  Why is the red sign out?  Doesn't she realize I need to get through?  What about me and where I need to go?!  Doesn't she know I am running late?   Wow, there were a lot of I 's in those thoughts.  

So this morning, I crept up behind the bus.  Surely this will send her a hint.  Instead, it backfired. She gave me an irritated look and firmly put her hand out the window indicating that I needed to stop.  So, I did what I though best and gave my horn a good honk and pointed that she need to move (like I was from New York or something.)  I seriously cannot believe I am sharing this with you!  Will y'all still love me?

She finally did move, but I knew I shouldn't have honked at the small bus.  What kind of small person honks at a small bus?  

There is only one reason why I honked at the bus.  Pride.  Nasty, ugly pride.  I guess pride is the reason God is having me share this story.  I need humility.  I need to think of others as higher than myself.  The reason I got irritated this morning (other than that we were running late), was I was putting my needs ahead of others.  
Maybe the kids weren't seated yet and she had to wait.  Maybe the parent is going through a difficult time and she was offering words of encouragement.  Maybe she is going through something hard and the parent was sharing God's Word with her.  I don't know and who am I to think me passing through is more important.  

I wrote the other day that I didn't think I had control issues.  However, this morning I wanted control.  I wanted my own way instead of trusting God. The delay could have been the Lord protecting me from an accident.  There could be something greater at work than just a bus stopping traffic.  

When we seek to control. Pride. 
We want our own way.  Pride.  
When we feel others are inconveniencing us. Pride.

"Let us not only look out for our own interests, but for the interests of others."   Putting others first.  This is a lesson I want to teach my children.  I need to live it for them to learn it.  Unfortunately, I let pride get the better of me today and chose honking over humility.  

I think this will make a good devotional tonight for them.  Hopefully, they can learn from mommy's mistakes.  I pray next time I will choose humility over honking.     

 
 

Let. It. Go.

I have never viewed myself as a "control freak".  I am not one to be out in front trying to run the show or tell everyone what to do.  I am phlegmatic by nature.  Strong choleric "take charge" personalities make me,...well,...uncomfortable.   So, when Melissa Taylor announced the next Proverbs 31 Online Bible Study was going to be Let. It. Go.-How to Stop Running the Show and Start Living By Faith by Karen Ehman, I thought,

"I am not sure I need it.  After all, I don't have control issues."

I know God gets a kick out of me at times.  I am sure He just laughs when I try to tell Him what I do or don't need.  Hmmm....maybe I do need this study.

If you would like to join me and about 6,000 other women who are doing Let. It. Go. with Proverbs 31 Ministries Online Bible Studies with Melissa Taylor, you can click here to register. 

The study starts this Sunday, February 3rd!!  

If you would like to participate in the small group I am leading, please post a comment or contact me on facebook to let me know.  Space is limited in the private facebook small groups.   

I am excited to see all God will do in this study for the 6,000+ ladies who are doing it!  And I am excited to see what God will reveal to me.  If I do have anything to let go of, I want to know and I want to Let. It. Go.!

Follow the Staff

"The Lord is my Shepherd [to feed, guide, and shield me], I shall not lack.  

He makes me lie down in [fresh, tender] green pastures; 

He leads me beside the still and restful waters.

He refreshes and restores my life (my self); 

He leads me in the paths of righteousness [uprightness and right standing with Him--not for my earning it, but] for His name's sake.  

Yes, though I walk through the [deep, sunless] valley of the shadow of death, I will fear or dread no evil, For You are with me; 

Your rod and Your staff [to guide], they comfort me."  Psalms 23:1-4 (Amplified Bible)

While reading this verse, I envisioned the Lord with His staff in hand, out in front, leading and guiding His sheep.  

We are His sheep.  

A shepherd is responsible for his sheep.  He is responsible to provide for them, to feed them.   A shepherd will do anything to protect his flock; he shields them from harm.  A shepherd leads and guides his sheep and they follow him.  

He leads us to the best pastures.

  

He leads us to rest when we are weary so we can be refreshed and restored.

   

He leads us in the paths of righteousness.  We have been made righteous through the blood of the Jesus.  We are made righteous by Him, not by anything we have done. 

He leads us through the valley of the shadow of death safely.   This world can appear dark and dismal at times. but thought there may be evil all around us, He is with us. His rod and staff comfort us.  A shepherd would use his rod and staff to fight off any enemy that would come to harm his sheep.    We can take comfort in knowing we have a God who will fight for us, protect us, and lead us to safety.

 

Are you facing a decision today?  Do you need God to lead you and guide you safely to the right path?  He promises He will.  All we need to do is follow.    

Father, which direction should I go?  Which path should I take?   

He responds kindly, "Come this way, my child, follow me."  

He leads us with staff in hand.  Follow the staff.